Hey Picaro--no worries, this doesn't sound accusatory at all, it's all very fair. I'm definitely in the wrong here and I expected you to be rightly pretty frustrated (or worse) when I came back. Admittedly I let myself get intimidated by that instead of coming to you right away to communicate clearly--and then, when I came back, I let it intimidate me into not apologizing to you (and everyone else) when I should right away. So I think the only way to start this off is to apologize, both for being so irresponsible and unreliable, and then not coming to you directly and apologizing right away when I knew I should and forcing you to come to me instead.
I think this issue is sort of a trainwreck of my different personality flaws crashing against each other until they all become very exacerbate and out of control. I'm trying not to say that to excuse the problem--it's my own fault that I let them get this out of hand in the first place instead of sitting down and working on fixing them. I'm just trying to say that I'm aware this is a problem--a major one--but that I also know my awareness isn't enough if I don't actually work to fix it. I'm a little intimidated and overwhelmed by the problem but I do genuinely want to fix it, so...thank you for giving me a kick in the pants in the right direction.
I'm not exactly sure how to fix the problem at this point--I think I need some level of structure and a schedule to help myself balance everything, but I haven't yet figured out a good schedule that I can commit to that balances my work and RP well. The job I have now is very flexible which is normally a good thing, but that also means I often don't know what my work will look like on a day to day basis very well into the future. It is something I want to try, though, so I'm going to do my best to figure out something, instead of putting it off because it's difficult or scary. I'll try to work with my boss in getting a general idea of what work might look like and then work a schedule around that, including RP times.
I know that's only part of the problem, though, and also doesn't really give you much to go on (since it's not like you're going to be hovering over my shoulder and watching the schedule and seeing if I'm following it, which would be silly). Another big part of the problem is my tendency to communicate poorly, if at all, and just plain not being around. This is something I want to work on, too, but I know intentions aren't going to mean enough if I don't do it, so I also need to give you the best avenues I can to reach me when you need to give me a nudge or push me in the right direction. I've come up with two solutions--neither are them are perfect, but they should hopefully at least give you more options when I DO fail at being responsible about this:
1) Yuki has my cell number, so she can text me. This isn't perfect for a few reasons--I'm not in the habit of using my phone much, so if I leave the house I tend to forget to take it with me, and I know Yuki's RL is pretty hectic so she's often not around. The first is another thing I just need to work on, so I'll try to get in the habit of checking my phone more often, particularly if I forget to bring it with me. (Luckily, my new "office" has my phone sitting right next to it, so this should be something I can work on.) As for Yuki's schedule, I think...I'm also going to give my cell phone number to Tobi, so that'd be another person who could text me if needed. (I'd give it to you personally but since we live in different countries I'd be worried that it'd be too expensive/difficult to text me where you are--although if I'm wrong about this and you'd like my cell number, too, please let me know and I'll be happy to give it to you, too.)
2) My new desktop sits right in my room, and I'll be using it as a work computer, too, so it's pretty hard to ignore. I'm going to try to get into the habit of daily plurking at least once (so I have to look at plurk), always leaving gmail open (so that I'm checking my email and that gmail's chat service is an option to reach me) and leaving AIM up from the moment I get up during the day. If you notice me skipping a day where I'm not answering email, plurking, on AIM etc--please please please feel free to call me out on it when you see me around again. Don't feel obligated to do this--it's my responsibility--but I don't want you to feel like you can't point out when you see me failing on this end of things! I'd actually really appreciate it.
I feel like these are sort of week solutions to the problem right now, and I'm really sorry about that. If there's any time you see me screwing up on this and want to point it out to me or suggest to me something that I should do, please don't hesitate to say something? Again, I don't want to make you feel obligated, but I do really, really appreciate it when people point stuff out to me. It helps to keep me accountable, I think.
Also, thank you for coming to me like this--this might sound weird, but I'm really glad you did! I really much prefer people coming to me when something's wrong rather than bottling it up. It's good for me to have everything out--both so I'm aware of it, and also to give me a push in the right direction. It really does renew my motivation to try to get better instead of sitting on my ass and making excuses. (And I know it's a bit hypocritical of me to say since I'm so bad at reaching out to people, eheh. I'll try to be working on that, too. But...yeah, you don't have anything at all to apologize for, this is helpful, and good. Thank you.)
I'll see you around both OOCly and ICly. (And if I don't, send the hounds of Hades after me, seriously. ...If you want to. No obligation or anything.)
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I think this issue is sort of a trainwreck of my different personality flaws crashing against each other until they all become very exacerbate and out of control. I'm trying not to say that to excuse the problem--it's my own fault that I let them get this out of hand in the first place instead of sitting down and working on fixing them. I'm just trying to say that I'm aware this is a problem--a major one--but that I also know my awareness isn't enough if I don't actually work to fix it. I'm a little intimidated and overwhelmed by the problem but I do genuinely want to fix it, so...thank you for giving me a kick in the pants in the right direction.
I'm not exactly sure how to fix the problem at this point--I think I need some level of structure and a schedule to help myself balance everything, but I haven't yet figured out a good schedule that I can commit to that balances my work and RP well. The job I have now is very flexible which is normally a good thing, but that also means I often don't know what my work will look like on a day to day basis very well into the future. It is something I want to try, though, so I'm going to do my best to figure out something, instead of putting it off because it's difficult or scary. I'll try to work with my boss in getting a general idea of what work might look like and then work a schedule around that, including RP times.
I know that's only part of the problem, though, and also doesn't really give you much to go on (since it's not like you're going to be hovering over my shoulder and watching the schedule and seeing if I'm following it, which would be silly). Another big part of the problem is my tendency to communicate poorly, if at all, and just plain not being around. This is something I want to work on, too, but I know intentions aren't going to mean enough if I don't do it, so I also need to give you the best avenues I can to reach me when you need to give me a nudge or push me in the right direction. I've come up with two solutions--neither are them are perfect, but they should hopefully at least give you more options when I DO fail at being responsible about this:
1) Yuki has my cell number, so she can text me. This isn't perfect for a few reasons--I'm not in the habit of using my phone much, so if I leave the house I tend to forget to take it with me, and I know Yuki's RL is pretty hectic so she's often not around. The first is another thing I just need to work on, so I'll try to get in the habit of checking my phone more often, particularly if I forget to bring it with me. (Luckily, my new "office" has my phone sitting right next to it, so this should be something I can work on.) As for Yuki's schedule, I think...I'm also going to give my cell phone number to Tobi, so that'd be another person who could text me if needed. (I'd give it to you personally but since we live in different countries I'd be worried that it'd be too expensive/difficult to text me where you are--although if I'm wrong about this and you'd like my cell number, too, please let me know and I'll be happy to give it to you, too.)
2) My new desktop sits right in my room, and I'll be using it as a work computer, too, so it's pretty hard to ignore. I'm going to try to get into the habit of daily plurking at least once (so I have to look at plurk), always leaving gmail open (so that I'm checking my email and that gmail's chat service is an option to reach me) and leaving AIM up from the moment I get up during the day. If you notice me skipping a day where I'm not answering email, plurking, on AIM etc--please please please feel free to call me out on it when you see me around again. Don't feel obligated to do this--it's my responsibility--but I don't want you to feel like you can't point out when you see me failing on this end of things! I'd actually really appreciate it.
I feel like these are sort of week solutions to the problem right now, and I'm really sorry about that. If there's any time you see me screwing up on this and want to point it out to me or suggest to me something that I should do, please don't hesitate to say something? Again, I don't want to make you feel obligated, but I do really, really appreciate it when people point stuff out to me. It helps to keep me accountable, I think.
Also, thank you for coming to me like this--this might sound weird, but I'm really glad you did! I really much prefer people coming to me when something's wrong rather than bottling it up. It's good for me to have everything out--both so I'm aware of it, and also to give me a push in the right direction. It really does renew my motivation to try to get better instead of sitting on my ass and making excuses. (And I know it's a bit hypocritical of me to say since I'm so bad at reaching out to people, eheh. I'll try to be working on that, too. But...yeah, you don't have anything at all to apologize for, this is helpful, and good. Thank you.)
I'll see you around both OOCly and ICly. (And if I don't, send the hounds of Hades after me, seriously. ...If you want to. No obligation or anything.)